Wedding season is in full swing and if you’re planning a Jewish wedding ceremony, we’ve got the scoop on Jewish wedding ring customs. As in many other traditions, wedding rings play an important role in the Jewish wedding ceremony. In fact, according to Jewish law a simple verbal declaration is not enough to be married.
A formal physical consecration of some sort must be made before a couple is considered married. In ancient times this exchange usually involved a gold or silver coin. Today, a Jewish wedding band is used to seal the deal.
According to orthodox Jewish traditions, only the bride received a ring at the wedding ceremony. However archaic it may seem, the act of placing a ring on the bride’s finger actually meant that the groom acquired her as his wife in exchange for the value of the ring. Yes, times were different back then, and so were the rules!
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In modern ceremonies, both the bride and the groom exchanges Jewish wedding ring finger as a symbol of true partnership, mutual love and respect.
First things first — absolutely no stones allowed. An authentic Jewish ring is a simple, solid band made of gold or silver. While embellishments, like etchings and inscriptions, are acceptable, the ring itself should have no other breaks or interruptions. Our ancestors believed that smooth rings portended an untroubled and everlasting marriage. For many couples today, the continuity of the solid band is a reminder of eternal love and unwavering stability.
In Jewish tradition the wedding ring is placed on the index finger of the right hand. There are many interpretations for this, but the most recognized Talmudic explanation is that the index finger is considered the closest to your heart.
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Embossed on a ring, the phrase “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” makes a perfect wedding ring for a traditional Jewish wedding.The wedding band, exchanged under the chuppah (marriage canopy) and worn daily ever after, is an iconic part of a Jewish wedding. But did you know that Jews did not historically marry with rings? And that Jewish wedding rings might look different from other wedding rings?
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Exchanging rings was not originally an essential part of Jewish marriage. There is, for example, no mention of a wedding ring in the Bible. Rather, the exchange of wedding rings is a custom Jews have absorbed from the wider cultures in which they have lived. Even so, it has now become an integral and iconic part of a Jewish wedding.
According to the Mishnah (Kiddushin 1:1), which also never mentions wedding rings (and neither does the Talmud), a man contracts a woman for marriage in one of three ways:
The wedding ring, which came into use in Jewish circles probably in the medieval period, carries a certain minimal monetary value which means it can be used for the bride price. By giving his beloved a ring, the husband effectively gives her the monetary sum required to make her his bride. Historically, a husband could equally have given her anything else of monetary value, from a book to a property deed to a coin.
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Her (a common misconception). The bride does not belong to him, nor is she his slave. Rather, what the groom is “buying” is exclusive intimacy with her. In other words, by accepting the ring (or money, or other item of value), the bride agrees that, from that point forward, she will not have intimate relations with anyone other than her groom.
Because it is now customary in the West to wear one’s wedding band on the left ring finger and not the right index finger, many people move the ring after the wedding ceremony.
As many streams of Judaism have become more egalitarian and started accepting gay and lesbian marriages, many Jews have opted for a double-ring ceremony in which each partner gives the other a ring and thereby the couple pledges mutual sexual fidelity. For rings given to a male partner, the language is as follows:
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Usually, the ring is made of gold which carries monetary value and does not tarnish or attract dirt — a hope that the marriage too will be lasting and beautiful. Sometimes, a connection is drawn to the rings of gold mentioned as part of the Tabernacle in Exodus 26:29. There is also a tradition that the ring be made of silver, a common metal for money.
Why do Jews usually choose rings with no adornment? One reason given is that the value of the ring should be apparent — so there is no deception or misunderstanding at the outset of the marriage. Others have argued that the simple ring represents hope for a similar honesty and purity in the relationship between the married partners. Some see the circle as a symbol of the equality of all people, including these two marriage partners. Still others argue that, as the ancient Greeks had it, the circle is the most perfect of all shapes, even as it hides within it an irrational ratio (pi). In this way, the circle of the ring represents a hope for a beautiful, even perfect marriage even though it is contracted by two people who are only human and sometimes, like all of us, a bit irrational.
Erusin, the ancient betrothal ceremony, includes two blessings and the ring ceremony, and is followed by the reading of the marriage contract.
